How much could a woodchuck chuck??

First of all, it has been a while so thanks for hanging out with me.  I recently was talking to one of my
cousins, (large commodity in Kasson MN) about fire places.  He was bound and determined to sell me on the fact that a wood  fireplace is the way to go.  I am in a unique position because I grew up with a wood fireplace and now have a gas one.  Let me tell you the difference in my own creative way.

I sat down to watch a movie this winter and went to crank up the fireplace for a little warmth and atmosphere when all the sudden I flashed back to 1979.  The thought ran through my head, what would I be doing if I had a wood fireplace and not a gas one.  Well glad you asked.  First of all I would have to find a $1000 pickup truck.  You can't cut wood without a truck that is pre-dented and rusted.  I would then take a Saturday to go to the local Lowes and pick out a shinny new amputator..ahhh chainsaw.  I would need to pick out one that would not start on the first or second pull so I would have lots of 4 letter words to spout as I cursed the day away. Where would I procure the wood?? Maybe a local farmer would not mind me ransacking his grove so I could work out my back muscles that I forgot I had.

Oh there is more, much more!  So now I have to call the local rental company and rent a wood splitter so I can get the lumber into manageable pieces.  I un-stack the wood, split the lumber and re-stack making sure I cover with a tarp that I have to chase after on windy days . What am I up too in cost and time.  $2000 in truck, saw and rental plus 2-3 Saturdays and a couple days in bed to relax the aching back?? OK I am on the home stretch now.  I bring the wood downstairs an hour before my movie, dropping slivers on to the carpet that will soon find their way into the bottom of my foot. I stack an adequate supply next to the fireplace door which I can not see through since there is a buildup of soot from the last time I used it. So I grab the glass cleaner and spray the glass, dripping all over the newspaper I forgot to lay down...Crap!!   I then put the wood in the fireplace and strike the match. Forty five minutes later I now have a fire which I have to pause the movie for, so I can open the flue, close the flue, clear the smoke, swear at the ants crawling from the stack of wood and re-stoke for the perfect amber glow...

Or I can press the button on the front panel and sit back and enjoy my gas!