How much could a woodchuck chuck??

First of all, it has been a while so thanks for hanging out with me.  I recently was talking to one of my
cousins, (large commodity in Kasson MN) about fire places.  He was bound and determined to sell me on the fact that a wood  fireplace is the way to go.  I am in a unique position because I grew up with a wood fireplace and now have a gas one.  Let me tell you the difference in my own creative way.

I sat down to watch a movie this winter and went to crank up the fireplace for a little warmth and atmosphere when all the sudden I flashed back to 1979.  The thought ran through my head, what would I be doing if I had a wood fireplace and not a gas one.  Well glad you asked.  First of all I would have to find a $1000 pickup truck.  You can't cut wood without a truck that is pre-dented and rusted.  I would then take a Saturday to go to the local Lowes and pick out a shinny new amputator..ahhh chainsaw.  I would need to pick out one that would not start on the first or second pull so I would have lots of 4 letter words to spout as I cursed the day away. Where would I procure the wood?? Maybe a local farmer would not mind me ransacking his grove so I could work out my back muscles that I forgot I had.

Oh there is more, much more!  So now I have to call the local rental company and rent a wood splitter so I can get the lumber into manageable pieces.  I un-stack the wood, split the lumber and re-stack making sure I cover with a tarp that I have to chase after on windy days . What am I up too in cost and time.  $2000 in truck, saw and rental plus 2-3 Saturdays and a couple days in bed to relax the aching back?? OK I am on the home stretch now.  I bring the wood downstairs an hour before my movie, dropping slivers on to the carpet that will soon find their way into the bottom of my foot. I stack an adequate supply next to the fireplace door which I can not see through since there is a buildup of soot from the last time I used it. So I grab the glass cleaner and spray the glass, dripping all over the newspaper I forgot to lay down...Crap!!   I then put the wood in the fireplace and strike the match. Forty five minutes later I now have a fire which I have to pause the movie for, so I can open the flue, close the flue, clear the smoke, swear at the ants crawling from the stack of wood and re-stoke for the perfect amber glow...

Or I can press the button on the front panel and sit back and enjoy my gas!

Obama care and the only 1 fact that matters!!

They say my grand fathers generation was the greatest generation.  There where quite a few advances in technology, and industry. So where am I going with this you ask?  How does this tie into Obama care? I want to talk strictly about the Government and only about Government. When you get done you will have the ONE fact you need to know about Obama care that will predict the future of healthcare.  So let me get out the numbers so we can compare the greatest generation to our current administration.

Pearl Harbor was bombed in 1942.  Shortly after that america went to war.  Between 1942 and 1945 american government produced:

22 Aircraft Carriers
8   Battleships
48 Cruisers
349 Destroyers
203 Submarines

Are you still with me...

99,950 Fighter Aircraft
97,810 Bomber Aircraft
23,929 transport Aircraft

Shall I continue:

105,251 self propelled guns (Tanks)
516,648 Artillery
1,477,400 Machine-guns
197,100 Military trunks

 and in 3 years this generation can't even put together one stinking WEBSITE!!

Black Friday or Thursday...or Countdown to Insanity???

OK everyone?  Not sure what to call this anymore.  Black Friday? Thursday? "The running of the Turkeys" ?? I understand why black Friday was invented.  Everyone has the day off so lets add in some bargains to get them in the store.  Black Friday has evolved from 8 am on the Friday after Thanksgiving to 6 pm on Thanksgiving.  Where will it end.  4 pm on the Wednesday before the Friday after the Thursday the last week of November?  Or perhaps 2 pm the Monday before the Wednesday before the Thursday just to spite the Friday after Thanksgiving.  

Sunday evening Sams club had there invite for Premium club members. So now its the Sunday before the Thursday...you know!! So once again we lined up outside 2 hours in advance in 15 degree weather. We still were 20th in line.  At T minus 30 minutes the manager starts handing out tickets for the Big TV we wanted.  Sure enough we were 3 people short and had to go away empty handed after an hour and a half in the cold. What did this accomplish for the store?? Did it build loyalty?  Sales?? In our case (me and the first lady) it meant it built a pile of resentment and hard feelings.

Why have a sale if you can't fill the obligation?  You know the losers are going to be pissed off at the least.  With the advances in internet why not make this available to everyone with a quick finger?? Now I have to wait for T-day interrupt so the First lady can go out and see if she can score the item we wanted.  Anyway I am way off topic.  Where will Black Friday find a home?  Who will take the lead and push it back to Friday where it belongs?  I guess we will have to wait till next year to find out.  As for me I think I'm gonna take someones advice that was standing in line.  "Why not spend the 4 hours waiting in line at work and just pay retail!" Touche!!

"Today's Youth" The new benchmark in laziness!!

    I was at a Quiznoes yesterday and it was late in the day.  The store was only open for 45 minutes but it was open...ahhh so I thought.  I went in with the "first lady" and was polity greeted by a young lad who let us know in no short terms that we were imposing on his early closing.  What the hell does someone need to get of of work early for on a Sunday night?   The bong will wait...cheetoes breath. I was once young and understand that getting done with an thankless job and hitting the town is a priority, but to basically tell someone to get out, that is pure stupidity.

     Kids don't want to work anymore and when they do they have no skills.  They can't greet you at the drive up, they can't communicate anything, they don't seam to think for themselves, and last of all,  lack all types of common sense. It's almost like they are pre-programmed with a script and if you go off topic they glaze over and become useless bags of malt-o-meal. After the Quiznoes disaster we went to Burger King and got cold food and wrong beverages, AND THERE WAS NOBODY THERE!!

What are we as adults doing to better this action or encourage.  Well for starters, without getting too political, we pass laws to encourage pot smoking.  Dole out food stamps and welfare for half the country.  Let me put it this way...If you see Dad smoking pot and collecting food stamps, what type of role model does that promote?  Letting the kids lay around all day doing nothing would have lasted about 30 seconds in my house.  We mowed lawn, baby sat, bailed hay, shoveled snow, all in our early teens. We wanted to work and make money.  Money meant new fishing gear, records or cassettes... freedom.  I hope to start instilling those values in my kids.

I recently visited Kohl's in Owatonna and had a small problem.  I wanted to use my khols cash on a recent purchase and needed assistance since I lost the certificate. (I don't know why half the store was pregnant but I don't think that had anything to do with the story)  Instead of the staff telling me "sorry" or "I can't help you with that" I got "hmmm that's a interesting problem lets do this..." they proceeded to fix the problem, save me another $50, and let me feeling great that I decided to do business with that store.  There is hope.  The jury is still out on meat-head at Quiznoes but there is hope!!

Going Going Gone!!

 

Never really paid attention to home accessories  but now since I am a new home owner I am trying to invest in nice, high quality items. I made a recent visit to the furniture store to look at nick knacks and other items.  (They always have the coolest accessories at the furniture place) I started by looking at the lamps for the bedroom set we bought and they were very cool but a hundred bucks each I thought was a little steep.  The guy said he could lower to around $65 until I asked to take the floor models. Boom scored both for $80.00.  So I started catching on to this "take it off the floor" idea.  I looked at the comforter set and it was price at $165.00.  Wow I don't think I have paid more than $50 on clearance for a bed in a bag set.  $165.00 seamed like a good chunk of change for sheets and a comforter.  I had taken another picture of one on my iPhone I really liked (the one in the picture), so I decided to seek that one out.  OMG $569.00  I thought to myself, they make stuff that expensive.  Paying $165, just maybe, but $569 NO FLIPIN' WAY!!  The sales clerk got tied up with another sale while I was pondering Overstock.com. I looked up the set online (lovin' the iPhone) $509 but on clearance for $87.50 No stock available. Could not find any online so I had only one option. Do you think I could talk my way into getting the one on the floor for the same $87.50?  Well I love a good challenge so with a little convincing, arm pulling, and distraction I now own a $565.00 comfortable, elegant, and downright cool bed set for the price of $87.50.  Who would have thought!

The next time you go shopping for a clock, bedding, lamps, or wall art, go to a furniture store.  Everything is negotiable, generally in great shape (Kids get off that!!) and ready to become yours for less then you think.  BTW Doesn't hurt to buy a crap load of furniture and hang that over the sales person head either.  

No more running with the bulls!!

Black Friday has now become "Red Thursday" Let me explain what this means to me and you decide.  A couple of years ago I put up a blog about Black Friday . I explained how it was my "Running with the bulls" Well with increased competition the retailers in there wisdom decided to move Black Friday to Thursday, and still call it black Friday.  I'm not happy at all, and its not about the invasion of T-Day, its stupid Idea that if you keep moving up the time you will get more people.

Me and the first lady used to look forward to getting up at 3 am, wrestling on the cold weather gear, coffee up, and stand in line with hoards of others checking our watches in anticipation of executing our strategy for procuring the latest electronics for ridiculously low prices. We would split up and 20 minutes later find each other and compare baskets.  We would be done and home by 10 am, gloating over the bags and boxes of merchandise we wrestled into our possession then go to bed for a nice and well deserved 3 hour nap.

"Red Thursday" is now starting at 8 am on turkey day.  My plan of attack is to drive home after our family gathering, go to bed and get up at 5 am, drive to work and stop at Walmart and see whats left.  I fell like I'm in the Grinch who stole black Friday.  Am I getting old? Tiered?  I don't know, I just miss the running of the bulls and maybe retail will figure this out or maybe next year Friday will be the Wednesday before Thursday.

WAR on Women

Get the tanks, grenades, and machine guns ready because war has broken out.  War against Terrorism?  War Against Drugs? NO! War against women.  WAR!  Really. When I think of war I think of people getting killed.  Are we really killing women now? Rest assured America is not killing women, but you should get the facts on what this so called war is about.

The war is on human recklessness not women.  Paying for and excepting poor decision making should not be  a tax payers function.  Let me explain, because this boils down to pretty much one point and one institution.  "Planned Parenthood."

When I was growing up in the 70's and 80's if you wanted to go engage in risky business you could NOT go to the drug store and purchase protection.  You would have to find someone of age (embarrassing), and pay  $20 -$30. The girl would often go to "Planned Parenthood" and get protection so the behavior could commence, (well at least if they were responsible). I was afraid to get my girlfriend pregnant so I just didn't engage in that much reckless behavior. To me this is my definition of morals and something "PP" does not recognize.

Today you don't have these obstacles. If you want protection you can go to Walmart and stock up all you want. Hell, schools were handing them out like candy. If you want to go on the pill, a quick visit to the doctor and you get a script for nine bucks. Congratulations! you don't have to risk an early induction into the grandparents club. but not so fast there sparky.

 "Planned Parenthood" now not only gives away birth control but promotes abortion and the morning after pill.  (Parents you don't need to know) So in sense you can go be as reckless as you want, not own up for your mistakes and our Government will not only pay for this behavior but encourage it. If your child was taking drugs wouldn't you want to be informed? Reckless sexual behavior, nah that is OK.

So where is the WAR, women?  Taxpayers are simply saying, go get your own $9 condoms. If you can't afford 9 bucks maybe you shouldn't be appropriating.  Go see the doctor, if your parents don't agree well maybe they might be right.  If your of age and can't afford protection, ahhh you might want to give up beer and cigarettes because a baby will cost much more. My guess is that if "Planned Parenthood" is so important there will be private funding for this.  Forcing taxpayers to pay for reckless behavior, well you decide if the WAR is worth the fight.  My stance is very clear and easy to understand.  If you want to do anything and everything with your life and you pay for it, God Bless, it is your decision.  Don't ask me to pay for something and expect me to not have a say. Women...there is no WAR on you or your vagina (MSNBC commentator comment)  There is a disagreement with the morals your asking me to financially support.  GO VOTE!!

Oh DEER !!

As I mentioned in my earlier post I plan on summing up the week in my humorous fashion so I may reflect on the week as time slips by. "Summers Over"  Well what can I say, no shortage of events to write about.  Lets start out with the car that refuses to die.  I have a 95 Ford Taurus that has just short of a billion miles on it. Why do a keep such an outdated car? Because it has to die on its own.  I paid $100 for this car 7 years ago and its still paying me pack for all the cars that left me hanging money wise. Last week the car was acting up and I knew it was electrical so I sent the car with the first lady to get a wire or two replaced, well it turned out the car need only one spark plug wire, one new headlight, the hood fixed...ahhh what? Yep the first lady clipped a deer on the way to work. I fully expected this to be the end but once again the good ole ford escapes with just another war wound.  This brings me to Friday.

 The first lady was supposed to have her hair cut on Friday, but because of circumstances beyond her control it was canceled, so she stayed home and just happen to record twin cites live which we never watch because Sean Casey was on the program promoting his new Imax film about tornadoes that I wanted to see which I would not have know if it weren't for the canceled appointment (your supposed to read that as one long sentence!) ..hmmm coincidence or other powers at work?? So we decided to go to the Cites Sunday and see the film and actually meet Sean Casey.    

But what happens when you go to the cites in and don't have lunch?  You have to stop at the only place the first lady has been dying to go to for years.  "Joe's Crab Shack"  For some reason every time we want to go we could not find the address or it was closed or something was weird.  Sunday was the day for everything to come together.  Planets are in alignment, all the stars are at full brightness, and the weather was incredible.  A string of good luck?? Perhaps.  My hard knocks account finally getting some payback?  Just maybe.  All I know is that if it wasn't for the Deer, maybe nothing else would have worked out so well for the weekend.  This week who knows where the wind will blow.  All I know is it is supposed to get colder, and we are going someplace warmer.  And no I don't expect to see any Deer there!

 

The Cookie Monsters !!

With summer coming to an end and the #1 and #2 going back to school, it was time to think about school lunches and what are we going to do.  Hot lunch? Probably not with the two picky pallets I have to cook for everyday. Cold lunch is the ticket. So off to the store to get lunch goodies.  What is the number one thing I have to listen to when shopping.  "Dad, why do you always have to make something why can't you just buy cookies."  "Because I am cheap and homemade is so much better." I swear that line never works. This is where the story takes a turn.

Since I have been working my part time job every weekend thePickupboys.com, the first lady has been hanging with the kids and last weekend decided to try her hand at feeding the cookie monsters. Now the first lady will be the first one to tell you she is very kitchen challenged.  Working the mixer to her is like driving a brand new car with a manual transmission!! What is the third pedal used for?? She looked up the recipe on the computer, excellent...now to execute the directions.  All the ingredients in the pool except for you mister brown sugar, you stay out on the side lines.  Whoops.  Well lets just say the first batch looked good but I refer to them as the diabetic cookies.

Second round the first lady nails it, knocks it out of the park.  WOW those are great M&M cookies.  In fact she was so impressed with the batch she decided to make another batch the next day just to validate the proficiency of her new found skill.  Now I'm not quite ready to open a cookie stand at the state fair but these were right up there in my top three best. Way to go First Lady, way to put the smack down on the kitchen and show it who's the boss.  Best of all, it is nice to hear "Dad can I have homemade cookie in my lunch?"  

Summers Over....NOOOOOOOOOOOOO

What the...or should I say where the... heck has summer gone?  Does anyone remember back to their grade school days when summer vacation lasted forever, well a heck of a long time. I went swimming everyday, hung out with my friends, biked all over the town, went tubing down the Kasson creek after a hard rain.  This all before noon most days. I still had time to mow lawns for money, clean the garage, play little league.

This year I jumped in the pool 3 times, grilled out twice, one round of golf and I can't remember doing anything else.  What the heck, am I just that busy.  Is everyone that busy?  I know time gets quicker as we get older but this is a little crazy.  I think the answer lies in the fact that I'm not taking inventory of what I'm doing everyday.  I'm not taking the time to reflect on the week or month.  I need to keep a diary to remind myself that I do a lot everyday.  Maybe what I'll do is post once a week what I did, this may force me to slow down and take notice of the things around me.

So going forward I will post my blog every Monday on what I did for the week.  This way I will have a record of the things I have done.  It will force me to write more instead of just a quick post on Facebook.  I will be able to reflect and feel that I have accomplished a lot in the short time they call life.  Yes this is a great idea.  52 weeks, 52 posts.  52 disjointed efforts at cheap entertainment based on "Brian's Crazy Life"

See ya Monday.

Your Patience will be rewarded !!

Hi,  Sometimes I forget I have a blog and other times I don't feel as anyone is reading. Google has updated the web layout and analytics so yes I see people do read and more than I think.  I have a lot of new things to share as well as a couple of new features.  If you follow politics, (I do and I care) I will be posting my opinion from time to time.  I also am starting a really good band and I will be posting a video blog on the "Making of the band"  (catch that at www.thepickupboys.com) I want everyone to know I haven't forgot how to type and I have 100's of more funny stories like this...

#2 comes into my office (Band room) at home crying because her big sister gets to stay up and she has to go to bed.  (she is 7)  "Its no fair Dad, its just not fair (you have to imagine the big tears) #1 (insert sisters name)  gets to do everything because shes older and more creative."  I had to look away I was laughing so hard,  really ... more Creative.  I guess it comes down to perspective.